i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
