Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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