Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
