Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
