bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
