We won't sleep together?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
