How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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