He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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