I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
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Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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