I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
