I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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