I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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