If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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