I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
