Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
