Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
