he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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