No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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