so explain again why im purple
no
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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