That's intense
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
