guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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