What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
