Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
