I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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