So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
