i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
