Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Randomize
