No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Help. Why am I so naked?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
