oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
