I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
