wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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