so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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