I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
