You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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