apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
