Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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