I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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