I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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