if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone came in the potted fern
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
