So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
