Moan for me like Helen Keller
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
