Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
