even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
