this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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