You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
