it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
