Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
