I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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