One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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