i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
