I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
