And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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