I like my sex mixed with concussions.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize