There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
