Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
