I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
