If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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