I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
