Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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