I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
