see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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