If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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