sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
