she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
