I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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