Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
